A Good Date

So how many times have you gone out with someone and not really known how to feel at the end of the date? I'm sure every time most of us go out on a first date, there is always that sense of wonderment left at the end of the date. More likely than not, your first date was probably lunch. You were busy at work and took an hour out to meet that person you either met online or at a bar some night before. Well, you go to lunch, you have great conversation. I'm sure after the meal there is some awkward hug. But, for the rest of the day, no matter how well the date went, you'll always be asking yourself, "what did the other person think?"

That is kind of the excitement of dating, you are always left with questions unanswered. If the girl (or guy) looked at you and said too much about how much they liked you, it would make you think twice. How could someone I just met a few days ago have so many good things to say to me after just eating lunch with me? You'd probably lose interest after that. Assuming that didn't happen, sometime after your awkward hug, you would call the person and ask them out again. This time the stakes would be higher. That's right, we're talking about dinner.

Dinner dates symbolize a big step in interest. You are afforded the opportunity to talk about many more topics than you were at lunch, and on this occasion something else previously not involved will be introduced, alcohol. Be careful of how much you drink. You're likely to bring up some topics and subjects that you wouldn't have dared to bring up at lunch on your first date.

Assuming the dinner date goes well, you'll be left with an awkward goodbye. Statistics show that only 48% of people kiss after a first date. So, once you go to say goodbye, you'll be left with an opportunity to test the chemistry between the two of you. Who is supposed to lean in? Are they supposed to kiss back? How long do you kiss? Should you use your tongue?

Well, those questions can be debated by both sexes. I think the best thing to do is to tease. Remember when you were a kid on the playground (think intro to He's Just Not That Into You) if someone hit you or teased you, it meant they liked you. Make the kiss short and sweet so you'll both be left wondering what it would be like if you kept on kissing. If you give it all up at first, you're likely to lose some of the curiousity and excitement that you would otherwise be left with.

The Third Date: It's serious business at this point. The two of you have decided that there is enough of both chemistry and interest between the two to carry on to this point. What do you do for the third date? Do you have him/her over to your apartment and attempt to cook them a romantic meal, or do you just go out for a night of drinking on the town?

Whatever you do, take no expectations with you. Sometimes when you have things planned out too much, you set yourself up for disappointment. Spontaneity can play a huge role in this. Go with the flow, test the chemistry, try putting your arm around his/her back and see how they respond. You will learn more about chemistry on your third date than the two before.

If everything goes well, sparks will fly, you'll kiss until your lips get chapped and you'll have this stupid grin plastered on your face afterwards. These are all good things. If things don't go so well, don't get discouraged, you may have been too forward and direct and your potential mate may not have been receptive or is just shy. Whatever you do, relax, be yourself. Never be what you think someone wants you to be, and never act as you think someone wants you to act. If there is any chance of a relationship, being yourself is the key to getting things off the ground.

What do you think? Do you have any great stories about a good date? Do you have any horror stories about dates 1-3? Girls, would you like to add any advice? Guys, what do you think? Feedback.

Just Get Her Number

I think one of the biggest mistakes that guys make when meeting women is trying too hard. Every woman will tell you that it is an instant turn-off when a guy puts forth too much effort or shows too much interest immediately after meeting. A prime example is something I see happening every week to either myself or my friends.

Say you're at the Stage on Broadway, or Big Bang, or some spot where the singles are sure to mingle. Let's say you find a girl (or guy) worth talking to, you strike up a great conversation and there is definitely some tiny level of interest. What do you do? STOP.

Do not continue to talk, do not make suggestions, plans, dates, or ask where they are headed next. You have a VERY busy schedule and need to duck out (and move on to the next club). If you have met someone that you are actually interested in, do not get too excited and do not panic. Odds are, they are equally interested.

"So what am I supposed to do then?" you're probably asking. Get her phone number, better yet, get her e-mail. There is something just more personal and less threatening about e-mail. She'll see who the sender was, read it at her leisure and it is just a lot more natural that getting a phone call from an unknown number and having to deal with the voicemail and barely remembering who you were. E-Mail gives you a chance to remind her of how much fun you had and lets her talk to you in a much less scary way. If she gets an e-mail from you, it's like you're already in her life, most e-mail programs (like GMail) have automatically added you to her address book already. People do and say many things online that they would never say out loud or over the phone. It is just a more comfortable form of communication for those of Gen X and Gen Y.

What's the next step? Relax. He or she may not e-mail you back for sometime. That is the beauty of it all. If you don't hear from the person in a short while, try one more e-mail, otherwise cut your losses and realize "she's just not that into you."

Also, keep in mind, for every 10 phone numbers you get, you'll be lucky if more than 2 or 3 of them ever call or even text you back. Ever hear the saying "there are plenty of fish in the sea?" According to 2007 US Census data, there were an estimated 116,000 single men and 149,000 single women in Metro Nashville. So, guys, good for you...and remember that's just in Music City.

So what's the moral of the story? If you meet someone, and you like them, get their number. Walk away, and call them within 72 hours (I prefer e-mail, because it works more often). And remember, if she's not that into you, she's probably, really not that into you, and that's okay, there's only 148,999 left to go (115,999 for you girls). Good luck, and share your stories!

Always Have Flowers in Your House

So growing up, you are taught that if you like a girl, you should buy her flowers. Unfortunately, that is horribly unoriginal, and makes your intentions way too obvious. So, how can you show a girl that you have style and want to impress her all while being indirect? Easy. Always keep fresh flowers in your house. Now, be CAREFUL! The last thing you need is a crappy vase full of carnations or some cheap bouqet you picked up at the end of the check out aisle at the grocery store. You're going to need to dig a little bit in your pockets on this one.

I have found that having fresh flowers--or planted flowers like bulbs--in your house always improves your chances. Stick to something very simple and sexy like orchids or tulips. You're looking for a very modern sleek look. You'll want to have something on your coffee table or dining room table--or breakfast bar if you live in a condo/loft/apartment like every else. In your bathroom you'll always want to keep a very small slim arrangement by the sink. This will show your partner--or prospect--that you like to keep things clean and have a very keen eye for beauty.

How can I do this?!? Well, luckily one of my good friends has been kind enough to offer his services, Perri, of OSHi International offers floral services from huge functions to simple centerpieces. His store is located at the center of the city right at the foot of the State Capitol Building on Capitol Boulevard. Check out his website and give him a call at 615.972.5425. If you want to check out his studio, head on over to 206 Capitol Boulevard.

His work is absolutely elegant and very modern and chic. It would definitely liven up your modern decorated loft or apartment. And the girls will absolutely love that you did it for yourself and not for them.

She's Just NOT That Into You!

Alright guys (& girls),

I extremely encourage you to go and watch "He's Just Not That Into You." It may appear as a chick flick, but you're going to have to suck it up and watch. You will learn WAY more than you could ever for $9.25. The film profiles several relationships, dating scenarios and dives into several different characters (some extreme) to demonstrate how their behavior affects their relationships, dating and success with the opposite sex.

Why is it so important to watch this movie? Well, in the movie (spoiler warning) there are several characters that create a "support group." Let's say something goes horribly wrong with a date, or one of the girl's isn't sure how to read a guy. The support group ALWAYS has some outlandish example of how once in a million times, even despite whatever obstacle, two other people faced the same challenge and lived happily ever after--together. REALITY CHEK!!!! It doesn't work like that. This movie will show you all of the signs to deduce whether or not he or she is that into you.

The movie, primarily based around a group of female friends speaks mostly about guys' behavior and the "signs" that guys give off to women of interest. So, I googled (you guessed it) "she's just not that into you." The number one hit was a very interesting article from CNN.com (check it out here). The article, however, does nothing more than confuse the reader even more. Read the comments at the bottom of the article for some humorous banter and discussion.

So why am I telling you so much about this movie and the article I found on CNN? Well, what I learned from it is having an enormous impact on my life. For example, I met a girl at a bar about a month ago. I noticed her when I first walked in, a gorgeous blonde with hazel eyes. She was a nine and I'm certainly a seven at best, so I paid no attention to her. One of my co-workers happened to be there that night and pointed out that she was "checking me out." I laughed, surely she was looking at the guy behind me. So I turned around, she made direct eye contact with me and smiled. I was mortified! I had no idea what to do. Luckily one of my drunken acquaintances broke the ice when they asked where one of our mutual friends was. I pointed him out several times and they eventually found him. After that, I noticed the blonde was standing right next to me, I made a joke, she laughed and we started talking.

The girl lives out of town and was in town to be with her best friend while she had a baby, and also has family here that she comes to visit every so often. She was putting out ALL of the signs saying she was into me. So I got her number, we did lunch the next day and after that we talked on the phone every day (she doesn't even like talking on the phone). We went on a few dates and kept talking every day for a couple weeks. Just this weekend she came back into town to see her friend and the baby, as well as her family and spend a little bit of time with me.

Something was different this time, she just wasn't "that into me." So immediately, I turned the charm up, turned the "i like you" down and just played it cool. Something, I don't know what, had her acting slightly different. She was always holding my hand and brushing her leg up against mine while we were out and about. She'd even put her arm around me when we walked down the street. The craziest thing? She wouldn't kiss me for more than a second, she would just start giggling.

We've been talking for a month and have been out on several dates, she's even spent the night at my house. However, I couldn't get more than a peck on the lips from her. She went on about how she hasn't been in a relationship in so long and is an independent person. One of the things she said really scared me, "I think I've been alone for too long." Can a girl forget how to be loved? I don't know, but something about this weekend just told me, "she's just not that into you."

To tie it back into the movie...the problem with the movie is that anytime one of the characters has a problem, a member (or several) of their support group comes up with some pie in the sky theory as to why it happened and assures the girl everything will be alright. I've shared my situation with all of my friends, and they, despite what I thought, assured me that she just had cold feet and was a "nice girl" and wanted to be treated right and make sure that I really care about here. I have no problem with that, but something told me that there was more to it. So, I explained the situation to one of my good female friends, her response, immediately (I kid you not) was, "Have you seen that movie that just came out, "He's Just Not That Into You?" I immediately thanked her for her honesty.

I guess at the end of it, all a guy wants is honesty, no games, no drama no "reading signs." Of course, what fun would the chase be if you always knew what was going on...

What do you think? What experiences have you had similar to this? Share your comments!